1. Tell them early. Many of my clients tell me they are postponing telling the children but my concern is that they will know anyway. They will sense the tension in the household, overhear conversations, notice their parents behaving differently. In my opinion, it is better to not keep it a big secret. Be open with your kids.
2. Tell them together. If possible, perhaps the two of you could tell them together.
3. Try to stay positive. Instead of stressing what they are going to lose, less time with each parent, seeing parents separately not together, maybe the house, stress what positive changes they will see, less fighting, maybe a new neighborhood, a chance to spend special time with each parent.
4. Don’t forget to listen to your kids. Let them vent. They may be angry. They may be scared. This is normal. Listen to them and try to allay their fears. Acknowledge their anger. Say that you know it is hard for them. It is hard on the whole family but you are doing this to make it better for everyone in the long run.
5. Consider Family Counseling or Individual Counseling. You may need to tell them in a therapeutic setting. You may need a counselor to help calm the children down and to help you to help them.
In my practice as a divorce lawyer, I know that divorce is often necessary but difficult and divorce with children is even more difficult. My firm can help you move forward and support your children in the process.