The person who initiates a divorce has 6 common expectations that sadly fall short. This blog talks about those expectations and how you and your lawyer can manage some but not all of those disappointments.
1. Your spouse will be truthful in the divorce process! Wrong. Maybe your spouse has a business which you have supported for years. Once you file, they may outright lie as to what they make from that business. They might even hide property such as a pension you never knew about.
2. If he or she lies then they will be prosecuted for perjury. Wrong! That rarely happens. What you and your lawyer can do though is ask the court to fine him or her for hiding property. Also, if you can show the judge he or she is lying, things are not likely to go well for them in court.
3. You have always been close to your in-laws. Maybe your mother-in-law was always there in the past to help take care of the kids. Maybe you were even able to confide in her about some of the troubles you were having with her son. Not anymore! Blood is truly thicker than water. That mother-in-law may see you as attacking her child and even jeopordizing her relationship with the grandchildren. Conversely, if you are the dad and divorcing her daughter, you will become the bad guy, shattering the family.
4. Tensions will ease with the divorce filing! No not at all. You may have thought a long time about filing for divorce. You are finally ready to do it and feel relieved that you have made the decision. You assume that after all the fighting, your spouse will feel set free as well. Wrong! Unfortunately most of us resist change even if the current situation is difficult or unbearable.
5. You can keep everything the same while the divorce is going on. Wrong! Maybe you always kept joint accounts. That can be very dangerous during divorce. Money can start to disappear. It is important that the bills continue to get paid but you may want to reconsider any other joint accounts you share that are not for the household bills.
6. Children Can be kept out of the Loop! Wrong. They need to be told as soon as possible. They are very aware of tensions at home. They too are scared of change and fearful for their future. It is important to continually reassure them that both parents love them, that they won't be losing either parent unless one parent is in fact dangerous and if they are going to need to move, make it fun for them.